Yogini, Artist, Mother Musings

When you're a kid, you think your parent's have it all figured out. But when you become a parent your self, you realize you never have it all figured out. So how could they? They're only human. Compassion ensues.

A lot of us feel we didn't get the mothers or the mothering we deserved. That is fair to feel. We probably didn't. But we did our best as mother's of our own kids, right? So it must be fair to assume that they did their best too. I know I was mad at my mom for years. I even did cruel things to myself just to punish her on some subconscious level. Drugs, alcohol, promiscuity was all a form of rebellion to get back at my mom who had been so unjust to me. She did me the ultimate unjust. She didn't love me. I don't know if that is entirely true or not but she had postpartum depression or something of the sort when I was just newly born. It didn't kick in months or weeks later like it does some mothers. She had it the minute I was born and maybe even before that. Did we ever bond the moment I came into the scene? I don't know but I know on a cellular level I felt her sadness. I took it on to ease her pain maybe. And I felt unloved and cared for because sh