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Yogini, Artist, Mother Musings

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July 21, 2017

Who would you feel most comfortable pooping around?
That's who you love the most.

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Prayer for Peace - Part 1

March 20, 2018

I’ve been hiding from my shadow like it’s the boogie man. Afraid to look at what’s been making me sad. N ot wanting to look at what’s been bothering me. Feeling not acknowledged. Blaming my partner has been a part of the projection/diversion. Part of the other diversion from this feeling has been keeping myself very, very busy. And not really taking the time to just look and be with myself. So I did, I found some music and I just listened. I started to cry. I found myself tearing up realizing I wasn’t trusting the process. I was worrying about money because I knew that meant getting the support I needed at my birth, from a Doulah or someone like that. But, what I actually wasn’t trusting was that the support would be there for me. I also wasn’t trusting fully my partner to show up emotionally though I know he can and in this space of relaxed knowing, I know he will. I knew what I wanted but hadn’t yet vocalized it to those around me. I hadn’t yet asked for what I...

Mothers

November 09, 2018

A lot of us feel we didn't get the mothers or the mothering we deserved. That is fair to feel. We probably didn't. But we did our best as mother's of our own kids, right? So it must be fair to assume that they did their best too. I know I was mad at my mom for years. I even did cruel things to myself just to punish her on some subconscious level. Drugs, alcohol, promiscuity was all a form of rebellion to get back at my mom who had been so unjust to me. She did me the ultimate unjust. She didn't love me. I don't know if that is entirely true or not but she had postpartum depression or something of the sort when I was just newly born. It didn't kick in months or weeks later like it does some mothers. She had it the minute I was born and maybe even before that. Did we ever bond the moment I came into the scene? I don't know but I know on a cellular level I felt her sadness. I took it on to ease her pain maybe. And I felt unloved and cared for because sh...