Yogini, Artist, Mother Musings

I feel contented. It's a feeling that only being pregnant can really explain. When you are content, there is this super peaceful, calm, relaxed feeling. Like everything is ok.  I guess every time, day is different. I feel super peaceful today, feeling at peace with my husband Jo helps a lot with that. When we are in harmony and working together, life seems a little easier, a little brighter. I guess the key is to leave room for communication to happen naturally. We are both improving. I am learning how to let go more and more and not control how things go. It's amazing how attached I got to this boy. He used to chase me, now I'm the one chasing him sometimes. How can I help it though, he is so shiny. I must be too. I want to describe more this state of pregnancy because it's feeling is so tangible, natural, beautiful....natural. That's the only words I can find to describe it. The feeling that everything will be ok and I don't really have to be or do an

Today I feel it's hard emotionally to be pregnant. I feel alone and I wish I had a mother to reach out to. Funny thing is of course I have a mother, but she is not there, available to me. She has e-mailed me once acknowledging my pregnancy since I became pregnant almost 5 months ago. I don't know who to reach out when I'm down and need support and I feel myself blaming others. For not being there for me or allowing me to be taken care of the way I need. Maybe I push others away before they can disappoint me. Disappoint and hurt are the same words. I'm hurt. I feel hurt by the lack of support I received in my life from my mother in particular. I think it reflects the unhealthy places I sought for that lacking support earlier in my life. More and more over the years I have found skills such as mediation, reading, writing, art, to support me. But still, sometimes nothing replaces the Mother. Mother Divine has been a constant solace for me over the years, and when I find my

Already here I am. I made it through. Second Trimester, I never thought you'd come.  Being pregnant is such a strange phenomenon. Like growing a human inside of you, should that ever feel quite normal? Well I can tell you it's one of the most natural feelings to be carrying a child as well as one of the toughest transitions I've ever made. It's so hard some days. The fatigue, the weird vaginal contractions (expanding uterus), mood swings, vaginal discharge yellowing my underwear and the weird aches, pains and other things which come and go. Say goodbye to meditation practice. Well, at least a regular routine one. What will it be like when the baby comes? I'm so excited yet I am not quite ready to meet him or her. Not quite yet. Still time to gestate. Both of us. How fun, everyone is so excited that we've chosen not to know the gender. It is fun in a world full of technology to break away from the new norm and go back to the old fashioned element of surprise.